Straight Men & Trans Women: Desire, Shame, Chasers

How Many Straight Men Are Attracted to Trans Women?

Trans women know the answer all too well.

A lot.
A surprisingly big lot.

How large this group really is – and the fact that it even seems surprising – has a lot to do with how many men keep their desires secret.
The fear that their heterosexuality might be questioned is too great.
The fear of being judged or devalued too strong.

But honestly? That’s complete nonsense.

Let’s take a deep breath.
It’s a sensitive topic – so let’s proceed gently.

First things first: You are straight.

“Heterosexual” means that a man who is attracted to a woman is expressing heterosexual desire – whether that woman is cis or trans.

And even more importantly:
A trans woman doesn’t suddenly turn into a man just because someone is afraid of being gay.
We also don’t magically change our gender because someone hasn’t quite grasped the term “trans woman.”

Trans women are a subcategory of women – or, more simply put: just “women.”

That should really settle it...
But of course, it doesn’t.
Because this is exactly where all the serious misunderstandings begin.

Guys, could you please stop being so damn weird?

That strange mix of transphobic misconceptions, internalized – and completely misplaced – homophobia, and the fear of being judged for one’s desire, leads many straight men to suppress their attraction to trans women.

Instead of experiencing it with real, living trans women, they exile it to the realm of fantasy – and often compensate through pornography.
Over the years, this desire then hardens into a fetish that drifts further and further away from real trans women and exists only in a world of porn and fantasy.

Ideally, we trans women could have been part of the story from the beginning – as ordinary people, friends, classmates, colleagues.
That way, a more human, authentic understanding of trans femininity could have developed, instead of it becoming the object of a shame-laden fetish fantasy.

But that clearly hasn’t been the case in the past.
Maybe in the future, we’ll have more chances to change that.

Decades of pent-up desire

Today, there are many straight men whose attraction to trans women has been building up for decades.
And the longer that pressure grows, the stronger the urge to finally act on it becomes.

Imagine a can of cola that’s been shaken for years – and then suddenly opened.
It’s no surprise the result is... let’s say, “less than graceful.”

That clumsy, awkward expression of desire – built on years of porn-fed fantasy and a total lack of real-world experience – is only a small part of the problem, though.

Why we protect ourselves from “chasers”

“Chasers” are men who specifically seek out trans women as fetish objects – as representations of a category or a body part, rather than as people.
They project onto us the status of a fetish, shaped by years of porn-fueled fantasy that has nothing to do with our actual lives.

Being seen as women – who also happen to be trans – or simply as people with personalities and histories, feels completely different.
Anyone who’s ever dealt with a “chaser” knows how emotionally hollow that kind of desire feels, and how unpleasant it is to walk away feeling one-sidedly “consumed.”

That’s why we protect ourselves from chasers and fetishists.

We raise our shields, filter, screen, and avoid men who show up with the energy of “I want a trans woman – any one, somehow!”

Private dating or trans escort?

Of course, life can surprise you.
Maybe you meet a woman at a bar, at your sports club, or on the dance floor. You hit it off wonderfully – and it turns out she happens to be trans. It’s a beautiful detail, and not a problem at all.

Those things happen, and they often lead to wonderful encounters.

But if you’re specifically looking to have an experience with a trans woman, there’s a good chance you’ll run straight into that protective wall we’ve built – for very good reasons.

And if that’s where you find yourself right now, then booking a trans escort is the respectful and ethically sound way to approach it.

As a trans woman and escort

For me, as a trans woman and professional escort, the situation is quite different.

In my private dating life, I want to be seen as a whole person – not as a projection of someone’s desire.

In my professional context, however, I have no problem when men come to me because they want an experience with a trans woman – even if their interest in me as an individual is secondary at first.

In my work, it’s completely fine for men to explore their fantasies, to share them with me, and to live them out together – respectfully and safely.

Even if they’re nervous, awkward, or overwhelmed – that’s exactly what I’m here for.
I provide a space where all of that can happen ethically, respectfully, and without shame.

For many men, I’m the first real opportunity to have a genuine (sexual) experience with a trans woman.
That, to me, is both a joy, an honor – and a responsibility.

And who knows – maybe you’ll walk away from our time together realizing that trans women are not just beautiful, valuable beings who stand firmly in life, but also very real, complex human beings with stories, depth, and presence.

And if you enjoyed the session, if it left you curious and fulfilled, if it was a beautiful experience for you – that means a great deal to me, too.

Maybe I’ll hear from you soon?
Let me know if I may accompany you on your journey.

~Joy 💖